Maybe confidence is becoming more yourself?

Aug 29

2 min read

People often ask me whether I feel more English or French.

My answer is usually:

Both and neither.

I’ve always felt a little bit between the two.

But there’s one French phrase my maman used to talk about a lot that I think I understand more now than I ever did then:

Bien dans sa peau.

Literally, it means well in your skin.

Comfortable in yourself.

Comfortable being who you are.

And the more I think about it, the more I wonder whether that’s actually a better description of confidence than the way we usually talk about it.

Because confidence is so often presented as something outward.

Being bold.

Speaking up.

Walking into a room without doubting yourself.

Knowing exactly what you want.

Not caring what anyone thinks.

And yes, sometimes confidence can look like that.

But I don’t think that’s the whole story.

I may sound or look confident, but underneath I’m not someone who feels confident about everything.

On the contrary, I have a lot of self-doubt and at times it can be quite crippling.

This time last year, I was definitely lacking in confidence. I doubted myself enormously.

But confidence is fluid.

It can disappear.

Return.

Grow.

Change.

It can be knocked by what happens to us, by the situations we find ourselves in, by the people around us.

And it can grow again too.

Which makes me wonder whether part of that growth comes from becoming more authentic.

More honest about who we are.

Less concerned with trying to be the person we think we should be.

Because surely there’s a kind of confidence that comes from being true to yourself?

Not having all the answers.

Not suddenly being free of self-doubt.

But knowing yourself a little better.

Trusting that it’s OK to be who you are.

And perhaps, as we get older, confidence becomes less about proving ourselves and more about knowing ourselves.

Less about becoming louder.

More about becoming clearer.

Less about trying to fit an idea of who we think we should be.

More about feeling increasingly comfortable with who we already are.

That idea comes up again and again in my photography.

So many women arrive thinking they need to look more polished, more professional, more photogenic, more something.

But the photographs they usually respond to most strongly aren’t the ones where they look like a perfected version of themselves.

They’re the ones where they recognise themselves.

Where something feels familiar.

Where they see warmth, strength, humour, authority, softness, energy — whatever it is that feels true to them.

One of my clients recently said:

“You captured all the different parts of me.”

I loved that.

Because that, to me, is the point.

Not making someone look like somebody else.

Not creating a version of them that looks impressive but doesn’t actually feel like them.

But helping them see themselves more clearly.

Maybe that’s why the phrase bien dans sa peau stays with me.

Because perhaps confidence isn’t about becoming fearless.